Two weeks into a massive shift in how I see myself, my migraines doubled. This latest one hit so hard I ended up vomiting. That rarely happens, but I figured if I was already empty, I might as well lean into it. So, I decided to fast—no food, no coffee, just water, salt, and rest.
Fasting made me sit with some hard truths. I’ve struggled with food and body image for as long as I can remember. Part of me worries about aging with extra weight. Part of me hates how I look. Mostly, I’m just frustrated that I don’t have the self-control to fix it. But as I sat with the discomfort, something deeper started to surface—maybe this wasn’t just about willpower. Maybe it was something else entirely. Then, I got the download from Spirit.
Ego exists to make us forget we are infinite light. It’s like a dimmer switch, keeping our physical bodies from short-circuiting under too much energy. It uses food, scrolling, fear—whatever keeps us distracted—to stop us from remembering our true form. But here’s the problem: ego doesn’t know when to let go. It doesn’t recognize when we’re strong enough to hold more light. And that’s where creating space comes in. Space lets us receive, lets us remember.
So, I stayed in it. Fasting, meditating, detoxing. It wasn’t easy—my migraine was brutal, and I was definitely withdrawing from caffeine. But after five days, I felt… different. Lighter. Like something had cracked open.
Then, I was guided to speak with a friend who’s a mystic. Our conversation gave me direction. I learned my digestion style in Human Design is “indirect,” meaning I actually thrive when I eat at night. That was a shock—I’ve always been such a sun worshipper. But as I started experimenting, I realized eating at night left my days wide open, filled with space to anchor in more light. It felt like exactly what I needed.
During that same session, White Buffalo Calf Woman came through. I had heard of her before, but I’d never worked with her. My friend advise that White Buffalo Calf Woman was encouraging me to work with her, so that night, I did her activation from The Sophia Code.
What happened next floored me.
As I went through the activation, I started seeing symbols I’ve been painting for years—especially the Sky Grandmothers I’ve been creating since my parents passed in 2018. It was like she had been guiding me all along, and I was only now realizing it. Her teachings include balancing the sacred masculine and feminine, something I’ve been dancing with for a long time. It seems obvious that our world is horribly skewed toward the masculine. And so girl power and matriarcal leadership seemed the natural solution. But she made me see it differently.
I did a shamanic journey meditation to heal the feminine “witch wound.” In my vision, feminine humans and spirits gathered in a circle, surrounded by warriors protecting them while they healed. And suddenly, I understood—I needed to heal MY sacred masculine too.
His job in my life to create and enforce boundaries. I've been practicing boundaries but the realization that this is the role of the sacred masculine really changed my view on them.
And then life threw me a test.
I was walking my dog in an on-leash park when a big, loose dog ran up to him. I tensed. My dog is older, and I try to avoid these situations. The dog's owner approached us and we had an altercation:
Me: “Hey, can you call your dog, please?”
Him: “You have plenty of places to walk your dog on leash. Why are you even here?”
Me: “Because… it’s an on-leash area?”
Him: “We don’t use it like that.”
I felt my warrior rise up fast. My blood boiled. The sheer entitlement—the assumption that his version of reality overruled the actual rules—lit something in me. I clenched my jaw, stormed away, and—because my brain short-circuits in conflict—shouted the fiercest thing I could think of:
“Have a nice day!”
(Honestly, so intimidating. 😂)
As I walked, my mind replayed the scene over and over. I was in the right! I hadn't even asked him to leash his dog. Just to call him off. Oooo I was so mad!
Then I stopped and took a breath. I didn't want to live like this. I thought about Gaia. About how many times men have done this—not just to women, but to the Earth herself. The disregard, the entitlement, the taking without asking. And suddenly, I felt her pain. The exhaustion. The grief. And then something shifted.
I thought about him. How disconnected he must feel to go out of his way to antagonize a woman walking her old dog? How much pain is he carrying to need that power trip?
And just like that, my anger softened. I felt sorry for him—not in a patronizing way, but in a human way. I have the gift of connection. I feel love in my bones. He… doesn’t.
From my heart, I wished him clarity and connection.
And in that moment, I saw exactly what White Buffalo Calf Woman was teaching me. My sacred masculine—my inner warrior—rose up fast, but he didn’t yet know how to hold steady. That’s what I need to work on. Not suppressing him, but training him. Letting him stand strong and do his job so my sacred feminine can do what she’s meant to do—open, receive, trust.
We talk a lot about healing the feminine so we can stop the endless cycle of consuming and open up space for receiving. But we also need to heal the masculine so he can protect that space. Because when he’s out of balance, he forces. And when she’s out of balance, she takes.
White Buffalo Calf Woman showed me what I need to do: let my warriors hold my boundaries while I surrender to the light. That’s how I do my work. That’s how I bring more light to Earth.
Since then, everything has been shifting. I feel like I’m being guided, one step at a time. My food noise is almost gone. My energy is through the roof. I sleep deeply, wake up before sunrise, and start my day with ceremony.
I feel so good.
I also know this is just the beginning. I’ll keep getting tested, but every challenge is another chance to expand. To hold more light. For myself. For humanity. For Gaia.
And that’s exactly what I’m here to do.
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